Entry log #3: Trying the Other Shoe

On my very first blog, I mentioned that my thoughts would revolve around a few things. In this one, I want to revolve my girlfriend, Hannah. Honestly, I didn’t have anything to talk about this week, but I want to keep up with the routine of making at least one post each week. But as I was looking through my folders on my laptop, trying to see what I could talk about, I thought of one thing that was important this week. This passed Wednesday, July 26, Hannah and I celebrated our first year anniversary of being together. It was a special night for me and her. Since Monday, Hannah has been having back and hip pain and I had everything prepared and planned out for our anniversary since late May. Even though she was in major pain and she can’t really walk and she can’t leave her aunt’s house, I still manage to adapt to the situation, and still give her a wonderful night that I hope she will cherish forever.

Hannah and I may not be normal, which we are totally not aiming for, but we freaking weird, honestly haha. We have gone through some troubles, but what doesn’t kills us makes us stronger. And that’s exactly what happens every time we get into a problem. We get closer, stronger, and caring. We try our best to be there for each other.

Since we started dating, I remember her telling me everything she has gone through: her experiences with her family since childhood, the friends she had, the exes, her depression, her good moments, her doubts, etc. When she first told me all these things at the same time, I felt overwhelmed and a bit uncomfortable, which is hard to do onto me. However, over time, I started to accept for who she is. Up to this day, I’m still in love with who she is. There’s nothing that I would change about her. The experiences she obtained are what shaped her. Unfortunately, not every of her experiences were positive, though. Actually most of those experiences were negative.

When we started dating, I was evaluating myself if I actually love her or pitied her. Any relationship that is created because of one pity-ness towards the other is not going to work. Most of the time, from my experiences. No one likes to be pitied on when they are going through a situation, because most of the time those who try to help usually end up talking about an experiences that they had that sounds similar to what the pitied is going or has gone through, or give their opinion. I am known to be a listener, whether I am a good or bad listener, I like to listen to people. And I feel like many people lack listening-skills.

One thing that I learned through listening is this:

IT. IS. NOT. ABOUT. YOU.

Like I said, a lot of times, people try to help those who are in distressed by giving an experience that sounds similar or give an opinion, for the sake of not making awkward silences or actually trying to help. Unless you have experiences that are 99.999999%  similar to the other… don’t bother. Whenever someone doesn’t get the memo, I usually tell them, “if you really want to help, the best you can do is JUST LISTEN. Unless I ask for your experience and/or opinion, just listen.

Up to this day, I try to be a good listener to my Hannah. I want to see things from her perspective so that I may effectively help her. I do not want to pity her, I want to help her and understand her completely.

So here’s one thing everyone should try. Just listen to a love one, see where they are coming from. You’ll be surprised how much being quiet and listening can help.

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